The problem with Crack is that it’s frightfully addictive. Indeed, just hours after visiting this Thai dessert shop in Gulou, memories of its sweet, fluorescent offerings hijack our every thought. We find ourselves unable to sleep (that’ll be the perverse sugar intake), and when we eventually can, our dreams are invaded by visions of surreally colored drinks. This stuff is bad for us, and we don’t care. But every once in a while is alright, surely?
Well, in the case of Crack’s signature treat, the Rainbow (RMB30), the answer is, unreservedly, no. Humans simply aren’t designed to consume such substances. Comprising layers of syrup and garnished with an upturned bottle of Arctic Ocean, the multicolored concoction comes with a metal straw – because metal is the only known material that can withstand Crack’s sugar content. Half a hit on the Rainbow is enough to make your leg tap uncontrollably under the counter. One for sharing, we reckon.
But this is ideal, because Crack is exactly the sort of place you might visit on an adolescent date. Having shuffled up Nanluoguxiang in near silence, you and your young sweetheart will need distracting as you wait for the sugar to kick in. And if you can’t get conversation flowing with a can of original Thai Red Bull (the variety that makes you twitch; RMB10), why not flirt over coloring pens, notebooks and an unrelenting onslaught of Mandopop slow jams? The whole affair is nauseatingly cutesy.
But Crack’s not just good for dates. It’s also the sort of place you’d visit after a disappointing meal. It’s the sort of place you’d go for a Friday night pick-me-up. It’s the sort of place you'd stumble into after Dada, simply because it’s called Crack. It’s a Crack of all trades.
As for us? We’ve been tempted in by the store’s logo (henceforth known as the Crack Train). A painting on the inside wall even depicts three children riding said Crack Train. Their final destination will presumably be decided by the penguin at the front. For the sake of the Crack Train’s young passengers, we can only hope that it’s headed to a dental clinic.
We have digressed (sorry, can’t focus) and there’s more sugar to come. Next up is a coconut dessert (RMB18), which delicately combines coconut flavoring and gelatin to make a cold, firm lump. We also enjoy a summery grapefruit drink (RMB16), which boasts the distant fizz of something that was once carbonated. The latter even comes in a re-sealable bag so you can take it away with you. Or stash under your floorboards for later, whatever.
But then Crack throws us a curveball – it also offers ‘regular’ Thai food, like tom yum soup (RMB35) served in an ornate silver (plastic) bowl. As readers will be aware, Southeast Asian cuisine is all about balancing sweet, sour, salty and spicy. Crack achieves this balance perfectly by ensuring that all four are absent in equal measure. But given that this place doesn’t even have a kitchen, what did you expect? Get back to your dessert.
Images by Holly Li
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